Choosing Yourself Isn’t Selfish – Here’s Why It Still Hurts Sometimes
We just moved into a new home—and we’re thrilled. By we, I mean me, my husband, and our three cats. We’re so happy here already. It’s peaceful, grounding, and exactly what we needed. And in making this choice, I learned the important lesson that choosing yourself isn’t selfish
But here’s what I didn’t share until now:
We had to break a lease to make this happen.
(That story is long and not really the point of this post—message me if you want the juicy details.)
What is the point is this:
Even though we knew it was the right decision, the guilt hit me like a truck.
I had anxiety.
My reflux was out of control.
I was eating Tums like candy.
And it made me wonder…
Why Choosing Yourself Isn’t Selfish—Even When It Feels That Way
How many times in your life have you ignored what you needed… because you couldn’t stomach the idea of disappointing someone else?
How often do we pass up amazing opportunities—just because they might inconvenience someone?
We’re taught not to choose ourselves.
We’re taught that prioritizing our own needs is selfish.
But it’s not.
Choosing yourself isn’t selfish—it’s an act of radical self-respect.
The Emotional Weight of Doing What’s Best for You
I agonized over leaving my lease early. I knew my landlord was counting on those last three months of rent. (She got one of them in the end.)
Still, I felt terrible.
But you know what? I’d do it again.
Because this home, this decision, was what we needed.
And here’s the thing most people won’t say out loud:
You can still feel guilty—and know you made the right call.
Choosing yourself isn’t selfish, even when it stings. Even when it causes someone else inconvenience. You can care about others and care about yourself.
You are not a villain for choosing yourself. You’re human.
If you want to dive deeper into the emotional roots of this dilemma, this article from Psychology Today The Unselfish Art of Prioritizing Yourself explores why choosing yourself can feel so hard—and why it’s still the right move.
Choose Yourself With Compassion, Not Callousness
That said, choosing yourself doesn’t mean steamrolling other people’s feelings.
This isn’t about becoming indifferent. It’s about becoming honest.
If someone is hurt by your choice, and it’s appropriate to do so, apologize.
Make amends.
Be kind.
But don’t shrink yourself just to avoid conflict or discomfort.
As I wrote in my post on setting healthy boundaries, true self-respect comes from clarity and care—not cruelty.
Final Thoughts: You Can Be Both Kind and Brave
Choosing yourself isn’t selfish—even when it’s hard, even when it stirs up guilt, even when it makes you feel like you’re being “too much.”
You are allowed to make the best decision for you.
Even if it means someone else has to adjust.
Even if it means swallowing a bitter pill.
I’m still sitting with the guilt of breaking my lease—and I’m still glad I did it.
You can be both.
And you deserve to be both.
P.S. I’d really love to know how this post landed for you.
Did it stir anything up?
Does it resonate? Message me or drop a comment—I genuinely want to hear from you.